Times in life are not always marked with ease, happiness, or life as you planned it! Often times, nothing goes as you want, or as you have planned for it! This has been a heart wrenching 2 years for me. I have a plan, and a life that I wanted with who I want it with! Yet, it has not happened and I keep hoping! Yet, in the heart ache of trying and working to get that which I want, I have found such gratitude!
The Lord is amazing! Over the past year and a half, I have slowly turned to my Father in Heaven more and more. My gratitude for my Savior and my Father in Heaven are over flowing! He knows me! He knows us all, and He knows our hearts, He knows our pains, He knows our weaknesses, and He knows our needs! He answers prayers!
I have been seeking peace, comfort, a knowledge of who I am now, and who the Lord needs me to be. I have had the most amazing experience this weekend. In the moment of deep heartache, pain, hurt, sorrow, and hopelessness I had no one to turn to, except my Father in Heaven. I needed the peace that only He can offer. More importantly, I needed to know who my true self is, and what I am truly like! Father in Heaven is so loving! He answered my prayers! I am not perfect! I have flaws, many flaws! With all those flaws, the Lord sees me as His child. He sees the good, and He see where I need work! Most amazingly, He is able to succor my soul to lead me to where I need to be, and who He needs me to become!!
I cannot express the ways that the Lord has answered my prayers this weekend. I needed Him to tell me who I am, and what He needs me to be. He extended sweet tender mercies. I have been seeking for a couple month to really understand how the Spirit speaks to me! It is amazing! I have received so much from the Lord the last two days.
In seeking to know who I am, and what I need to become for Him, I received several clear distinct impressions. First, a blessing I received in 2001 came back to my mind, I was told to seek after Charity, that the Lord was proud of the strides I had made in gaining Charity, but to continue striving for Charity. Charity is the pure LOVE of CHRIST. I have always tried to have and show charity to others!
After this remembrance, another thought came, "as you seek to be guided by the Spirit, and live your life according to the Spirit, your life will become beautiful and sweet, all who know you will love you." This, this small impression brought in so much realization! My life has not been guided by the Spirit for a very long time. In part because I did not have the Gift of the Holy Ghost, and without His constant companionship, I couldn't let my life be guided by it. For a few months I have had that gift back, however, I have struggled to receive answers to prayers, and be able to recognize them. And had become very self doubting in knowing how to recognize the Spirit. So, I turned to reflecting on how I have received the promptings of the Spirit in the past. After doing that, it seemed a conduit from heaven opened up! I have a list of topics I want to study and understand. I have scripture heros that I want to study and learn from.
On Friday, I decided I needed to lose myself in service to others and service to the Lord. I did not know where to start! I just know, I want and ache to give service and to teach my kids the blessing of serving others. I have been reflecting on it all weekend long. This morning, a member of the Bishopric called, and asked to stop by! I immediately knew they were extending a calling to me! My heart initially sunk at the thought of being called to primary! I love kids, however, I hunger for adult interaction. I have always asked not to be put into primary because I teach kids all week. I even said to Kaiya, "I hope they do not call me to primary." A few moments after, this feeling of love came, with a distinct thought, "a calling is from the Lord. You asked to be able to lose yourself in service. Where you are called, is where I need you, and it is where you need to be to grow." Brother Norton arrived, we talked about my life, how it was going. I shared a few of my experiences this weekend with the Spirit. Then, he asked me to serve in Junior Primary! I began to tear up! We talked a little more, and he said, "Serve here for a year, if you don't like it in a year come tell us and we will move you." My heart ached, and I told him, "I will not be that servant of the Lord. This call is from the Lord, there is something for me in this calling. I can already see, they Lord will and the stretching that will occur becasue of this"
I am in tears! How amazing is the Lord! I may not have all that I want! My life isn't what I want with who I want. However, in the deep heartbreak and hurt, the Lord has began to raise my to a higher level of understanding, and is blessing me. I am so grateful, grateful for the trials, for the gifts of the Spirt! Only thru the Lord are all things possible, thru His aide, I will make my actions, my words match my heart and my spirit! I am a beautiful daughter of God, and He loves me, and He has a plan for me!
The Lord is amazing! Over the past year and a half, I have slowly turned to my Father in Heaven more and more. My gratitude for my Savior and my Father in Heaven are over flowing! He knows me! He knows us all, and He knows our hearts, He knows our pains, He knows our weaknesses, and He knows our needs! He answers prayers!
I have been seeking peace, comfort, a knowledge of who I am now, and who the Lord needs me to be. I have had the most amazing experience this weekend. In the moment of deep heartache, pain, hurt, sorrow, and hopelessness I had no one to turn to, except my Father in Heaven. I needed the peace that only He can offer. More importantly, I needed to know who my true self is, and what I am truly like! Father in Heaven is so loving! He answered my prayers! I am not perfect! I have flaws, many flaws! With all those flaws, the Lord sees me as His child. He sees the good, and He see where I need work! Most amazingly, He is able to succor my soul to lead me to where I need to be, and who He needs me to become!!
I cannot express the ways that the Lord has answered my prayers this weekend. I needed Him to tell me who I am, and what He needs me to be. He extended sweet tender mercies. I have been seeking for a couple month to really understand how the Spirit speaks to me! It is amazing! I have received so much from the Lord the last two days.
In seeking to know who I am, and what I need to become for Him, I received several clear distinct impressions. First, a blessing I received in 2001 came back to my mind, I was told to seek after Charity, that the Lord was proud of the strides I had made in gaining Charity, but to continue striving for Charity. Charity is the pure LOVE of CHRIST. I have always tried to have and show charity to others!
After this remembrance, another thought came, "as you seek to be guided by the Spirit, and live your life according to the Spirit, your life will become beautiful and sweet, all who know you will love you." This, this small impression brought in so much realization! My life has not been guided by the Spirit for a very long time. In part because I did not have the Gift of the Holy Ghost, and without His constant companionship, I couldn't let my life be guided by it. For a few months I have had that gift back, however, I have struggled to receive answers to prayers, and be able to recognize them. And had become very self doubting in knowing how to recognize the Spirit. So, I turned to reflecting on how I have received the promptings of the Spirit in the past. After doing that, it seemed a conduit from heaven opened up! I have a list of topics I want to study and understand. I have scripture heros that I want to study and learn from.
On Friday, I decided I needed to lose myself in service to others and service to the Lord. I did not know where to start! I just know, I want and ache to give service and to teach my kids the blessing of serving others. I have been reflecting on it all weekend long. This morning, a member of the Bishopric called, and asked to stop by! I immediately knew they were extending a calling to me! My heart initially sunk at the thought of being called to primary! I love kids, however, I hunger for adult interaction. I have always asked not to be put into primary because I teach kids all week. I even said to Kaiya, "I hope they do not call me to primary." A few moments after, this feeling of love came, with a distinct thought, "a calling is from the Lord. You asked to be able to lose yourself in service. Where you are called, is where I need you, and it is where you need to be to grow." Brother Norton arrived, we talked about my life, how it was going. I shared a few of my experiences this weekend with the Spirit. Then, he asked me to serve in Junior Primary! I began to tear up! We talked a little more, and he said, "Serve here for a year, if you don't like it in a year come tell us and we will move you." My heart ached, and I told him, "I will not be that servant of the Lord. This call is from the Lord, there is something for me in this calling. I can already see, they Lord will and the stretching that will occur becasue of this"
I am in tears! How amazing is the Lord! I may not have all that I want! My life isn't what I want with who I want. However, in the deep heartbreak and hurt, the Lord has began to raise my to a higher level of understanding, and is blessing me. I am so grateful, grateful for the trials, for the gifts of the Spirt! Only thru the Lord are all things possible, thru His aide, I will make my actions, my words match my heart and my spirit! I am a beautiful daughter of God, and He loves me, and He has a plan for me!
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