Charity - Is Kind

I have continued to study Charity. I have been a bit distracted from it because of Kaiya's upcoming baptism. I have been seeking from the Lord the things that would be most important for me to share with her about baptism, the promises she is making to Heavenly Father, and the promises Heavenly Father is making to her. The study and searching of what the Lord would have me share with her has been emotional, and very spiritual. I will share after the baptism.

Luckily, this week the next attribue of someone who possesses the spiritual gift of Charity, or the pure love of Christ is "Is kind."

1 Corinthians 13:4 - "Charity suffereth long and IS KIND;"

If one possesses this gift, they display the following actions/behaviors/attitudes:
- Is nice, thoughtful, interested in others
- A good Samaritan - comforts and is merciful
- Kindness can't be "fallen out of"

One who obviously does not possess this attribute of Charity displayes the following:
- is mean, miserly, cruel, inconsiderate, unmerciful
- a scowling countenance

The not so obvious, more easily taken on behaviors or attitude displaying a lack of charity's attribute of kindness are -
- indifferent, remote, unconcerned, uninterested, unresponsive

Kindness, it is definitely an attribute I want displayed in my life. On occassion I know that I have in hurt, disappointment, or fear acted unmerciful and inconsiderate. Majority of the time, I am totally embarassed when those displays have occurred.

Kindness is in one aspect and easy attribute to acquire, yet it is also difficult. I love to give service to others. I enjoy trying to see where others may need help or aide, and extending myself to them. I also love being able to be there when a friend needs something.

However, I have reflected about work situations. There is a person at work that most other's do not like, and often times speak ill of her. I have not participated in these discussions, however, I have not taken a stand against them either. In this setting, I have not shown the attribute of kindness because I have been indifferent, unconcerned, or unresponsive in putting an end to the discussions. I am kind to her, I speak wiht her often and try to genuinely listen to her. However, I can step up and make more of an effort to let other's know it is not appropriate, nor kind to speak ill of her.

The other aspect of work, I tend to stand up for my co teachers when there is injustice occuring around them. Several months ago, one of my fellow teachers was not receiving grammar work weekly. She and I were talking, when a parapro came into my room. I asked, "Do you know if she is getting copies of the Grammar work?" I was attacked immediately by the older woman. The other teacher spoke up and stated we were just asking. The parapro went on and on about how she couldn't stay late, but would to make sure she got the grammar work. We both let her know we did not want her staying late, and clarified we were just wondering. Since this interaction, this parapro refuses to speak to me, and will often leave the room when I enter. On occassion that she does interact with me, she makes certain to state, "I jsut want to make sure, I don't want to get in trouble if you don't have something. I don't want anyone getting upset with me." When this initially was happening, I would respond, "You were not in trouble, we were just asking to clarify and find out what was happening." Now, I am so tired of hearing it everytime she enters my room, that I just smile and say thank you, regardless of how much complaining she does of "not wanting to get in trouble." I hate contention. Maybe smiling and just saying thank you is being unconcerned, and while it is avoiding contention, and not playing into the game, is there a more kind way I could respond?

I think that at times I hold my tongue to display kindness. However, maybe I am being unresponsive unconcerned, or uninterested when I do that. I do not like speaking unkind words to others, yet rather than holdingmy tongue, is there a way I could respond that would avoid contention, and offer up kindness in the midst of contention or strife? How can I respond that would be more responsive yet kind?

Happy Birthday LoveBug!

Kaiya turned 8 years old yesterday! I cannot believe it has been 8 years! Where has the time gone! She is so excited because she gets to be baptized. She picked to have her party this year at the zoo. Which was wonderful because again everything was taken care of, all I did was show up. She had invited 9 friends to come.

We had a couple friends call at the last moment unable to come because of no ride. So, I offered to pick them up. Since I was taking friends with me, I picked Kaiya up from her Dad's to ride with the friends to the zoo.

I think the party was lots of fun. Kaiya did not seem to mind it at all!! She got spoiled with lots of fun gifts. We played a few games. And everyone loved watching the monkeys on the island across the way the entire time!!

After the party, we walked around the zoo with the few friends we had picked up, and finally had to leave to get one of them home in time for a previous commitment. I would do it again!

Kaelani had a blast! She sat right up at the table with the rest of the girls, and participated in the craft and games! It was fun for her to watch her favorite friend in real life . . . even if they aren't as colorful as her the buddy she totes everywhere!!

 

Happy 8th Birthday LoveBug!!

I cannot believe my little lovebug/Kaibug/Buggie is turning EIGHT YEARS OLD!! The time goes by so fast!! We arrived home today to two surprises for her already!!

Her friend in the neighborhood can't make it to her party, so she left a surprise on our doorstep! A cute bag with a K initia, a ribbon holder, and two hair bows!! Kaiya loved it!! She is such a sweet heart, she asked if she could go thank her. She decided to write a thank you note and deliver it on her scooter.  I was so proud that she so quickly wanted to say thank you!!

The other surprise came in the mail! It made Mama cry, it was such a thoughtful gift! Kaiya was so thrilled about it!! She loves things with her name on it, but this one also ended with a big picture of Kaiya! And again, the thoughtful little girl wanted to immediately call and say thank you!!

 

She was so excited she started working in it right away! When she was done working in the book, she immediately wrote another thank you note. We put a stamp on it and mailed it off!

 

We have been doing family scripture study pretty consistently since Christmas. Tonight, Bug reminded me, "Mom, isn't it time for scriptures?" At times, I wonder if it is really doing much, but as soon as you said that, I knew that it is totally paying off!!

 

My sweet beautiful Bug! I love you! I am so proud of the little girl you are and continue to grow into! I hoped this birthday would be lots different, and would bring you all the many wonderful things you deserve! My sweet baby girl, I love you so much! Your turning into an amazing person! I hope to always live up to the title of your hero!  Little do you know that every day, you are one of my heros!! I hope you never lose the ability to love others no matter what! You inspire me!!

 

Love you sweet Bug! Happy 8th Birthday!! Mom

 

Perfection

My entire life, I have ached for a family. One where flaws and imperfections were okay. Where instead of being belittled and walked out on, you were lifted off the floor after falling on your face, and were lovingly helped to become a little better. I have yearned for a home, where the family was imperfect, but loved each other inspite of their imperfections.

Imperfection riddles my life. I am no stranger to the ugly mole on my face, and I am well aware of the flaws I have, and struggle to work on time and time again. I also know, that at times my biggest strengths can become a vice.  While I am far from perfect, I have the biggest desire to be perfect, to be Christ like, and to be a blessing to those I am around.

Being rebaptized, the biggest blessing thus far, has been having the Holy Ghost back in my life. There are so many desires of my heart, that I yearn and ache for, and so much I want to do for others. Yet, in my fumblings my life and I fall short. In my moments of feeling helpless, hopeless, and alone the Lord has sent the Comforter, and I hear and feel the love my Heavenly Father and the Savior has for me. Even in my imperfections, my shortcomings, and inspite of me - they love me!

When I stumble, in hurt, sorrow, or just not knowing what to do, I feel my Savior's love. I want so badly to be perfect. I want to see and be with my Savior again. I ache for the day, that I will see him again, and be able to fall to his feet, and thank Him.

One of my favorite quotes from April General Conference is

"People can change!

Develop a capacity to see them as

THEY CAN BECOME and

not as they ARE!"

 

 I firmly believe people can and do change. It is probably one of my biggest frustrations is when people decide what someone is like because of ONE EVENT, one action, or one fumbling! I strive to always see within others who they are meant to be. Every person deserves chances to be greater and better than they are! Every person deserves to be seen as they can become, people usually live up or down to our expectations. I just hope those I love will always be seen by others as they can become, and are treated as if they are already that. I hope I can develope a greater capacity to not only see them as they can become, but to not allow fear to inhibit my ability to show love to them, and treat them amazing!

 

 

While I ache for perfections, and I strive to acheive it. I am glad that I will be blessed for my efforts, judged on my progress, and saved thru the atonement for my shortcomings. 

 

Kindness

I have experienced so much over the past week! Today, was an average day at work, until lunch! I have a student in my class that is just super special to me! As teachers we are not suppose to have favorites! However, this student has often times been my saving grace so many times this year on days where the disrespect and lack of listening are at all time highs! This student has just always been kind, is always eager to learn, and is so super considerate! On days when I am at the back of my room fighting tears as I try to teach but being ignored this student is attentive!

Today, I was shocked when I arrived to pick my students up from lunch! A little girl in my class was crying, and a circle of girls were around her. As I began approaching, my student that is always so kind and helpful said, " I was teasing and I told her everything about her is ugly. I told her I was sorry!" I wrapped the little girl in my arms, and rubbed her back for a moment! She began to calm down, and so we proceeded to our classroom, my arms around her as we walked.

I sent the class into my room, and started them on some work. The young girl and I sat in the hallway, as I asked her what had happened. It all started with my amazing student telling her that her fingernail paint was ugly. Then, my amazing student asked another girl what she thought was ugly about this little girl. Finally, my amazing student end finished it off with "Everything about you is ugly." As she told me what had been said to her, she sat crying! I kept my arm around her,mans rubbed her back. When she was finished, I said " I want you to know you are very pretty. You are special because only you are you! And just so you know, my daughter would love your finger nail polish, it is very nice!"

I asked my amazing student to come talk with me . She was in tears,  We talked feelings. Apparently, in her home they tease by calling each other ugly and fat. My heart sunk, because even at teasing after enough of it, this young girl would sooner or later wonder if she was ugly or fat  because of the teasing!

I ended up with three female students and I sitting on the floor just outside my room.  These moments, where my heart breaks because of the mean hearted things kids do, are probably my favorite! They are my favorite because it is a chance to shape their character!  I told each of the girls they are beautiful! That each of them has amazing talents, and I told each girl a strength they had, and fraught off tears! We talked how when you say unkind words, you can say sorry, you can be forgiven, but the hurt feeling the words caused will always be remembered! Before we went into class, the girls each told each other something they liked about each other! Then, I asked how it felt to hear something good about themselves from another? Followed by, how did it feel to say something nice rather than mean? I wish I could have told each of these girls that they are daughters of a Heavenly Father who loves them!

In moments like these, I hope the lesson I taught is remembered more than the reading, math, grammar, or academic lesson taught that day!

As I drove home, I was grateful for the experience! I hate when kids are mean to each other, however, moments like these allow me to reflect. They make me grateful for my girls and how kind they are! It allows me to remind them to always be kind and always be willing to be a friend! It also, allows for me to reflect on the importance as a parent to build up! There are so many outside forces in the world ready to tear you down,  and in the home one truly needs to have a place to hear how wonderful you are!

This all brought back a lesson my mission president taught in my mission! The best way to overcome differences, and to build companionship is to extend genuine compliments to another. He stated if the only thing you can say that is a genuine compliment at first is , " I like your shoes." Then so be it! However, as we seek to find genuine thing we can appreciate and express them, it closes the gap of indifference and build a genuine love, soon we can only see good! Positive compliments lifts the other and allows them to flourish because of genuine love being shown!

I have recognized that I hate to be the negative downer person. And at times, in teasing or in trying to shoe care or concern, I express things in a way that is not constructive and could be taken as hurtful. My goal, to seek more to speak from my heart thru love, and not speaking in fear, hurt, or offense.  Especially, to watch teasing, be sensitive to others by being more aware!!

Missionary moment

I am so excited!!! There is a teacher at work who moved here this year from Florida. She is originally  from New York! At the beginning of the school year we just sort of hit it off. She has experienced some very stressful experiences during the year!  At the beginning of the year, he grandma in New York passed away! She had to buy a last minute ticket to fly home for the funeral! She ended up having to stay longer than normal and I did a few days of lesson plans and prepping her classroom for the sub! More recently, she got a terrible kidney infection and without warning was out for several days! I again had a way to provide service for her. Through all the times of talking back and forth spiritual conversations have begun happening!

I posted on Friday about a conversation we had then. At the end of the day today, she came to my room and asked a few questions about the Church! In the process, the Temple came up! I asked if she would like to see a Temple?  Then told her about the Gilbert temple that will be opening! She was super excited and said she would love to go your the Temple with me! So, we have a date set to go to a Temple open house! Yippee!!  Now, she has accepted an invitation to come to Church and an invitation to the open house of tr Gilbert Arizona Temple!! I am bubbling over with excitement!!

When Kaiya's baptism get closer I am hoping to have the courage to invite her to it!! It has been so much fun getting to know her thru conversation, services, and spiritual talks! 

Seeking Charity: Suffereth Long - Week 1

One attribute of a person who possesses charity according to the Lord is they "suffereth long."  I do not believe the Lord enjoys watching a person suffer or struggle. If He is a loving Father in Heaven, then what does He mean by "suffereth long?"

In 1 Corinthians 13:4 it again lists the attributes of a person who has charity. Suffereth long has a footnote that refers you to the topical guide. Here are a few scriptures that the Lord further describes what the attribute of "suffereth long" would look like and involved.

Lev. 19:18 " thou shalt not aveng, nor bear any grudge"

Proverbs 24:29 "Say not, I will do so to him as he hath done to me"

Nahum 1:3  it talks about the Lord being slow to anger

Colossians 3:13 "forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any; even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

D&C 98:23" if men will smite you . . . bear it patiently"

According to these scriptures, to have the Christlike attribute of "suffereth long" a person would have display the following actions:

- is patient and tolerant
- does not criticize
- recognizes other people are progressing
- is patient with imperfections


The obvious opposite of those actions would be
-intolerant
-ill-tempered
-critical
- cranky

Not so obvious actions of not possessing the trait of "suffereth long" would be:
- silent treatment
- impatient
- complains

A few thoughts as to how I fall short now, and how I will improve upon this in the coming week!

Patiences
Once I was very good at long suffering in small things! I use to be able to drive and not tell drivers what I think of their driving. I always had an attitude that I don't know what is happening in their day, so I needed to show tolerance and not criticize. I have become critical, not horribly, but I do talk to other drivers and tell them how they should be driving or how what they did, did not help!

I don't have much patience in my classroom for talking students. I find it very disrespectful, and I am not mean, but I do get more irritated than I should

I am sure there are tons of ways that I can improve in the area of patience. I will add specifics.

 - I will not critique other drivers, Iwill give them the benefit of the doubt and not comment.
- Iwill respond more loving towards my students when they are talking while I am teaching.

Does not Criticize
I don't do this with mean intentions. However, I do know at times when I am being cynical or sarcastic,in trying to make a funny about something I don't like, what I say comes across more as a criticism than a joke.

I also know that when I am trying to be helpful, or when I just observing something, my recognition and acknowledgement of something comes off as critical.

This week I will watch my tone and presentation in acknowledging things. I will state in kind ways that I noticed.

Recognize other people are progressing:
The beauty of going thru the experience I have in the past years is I have grown more kind and acknowledge easier that people are on all different places in their progress back to the Lord.

This week, I will look for very small things that can be acknowledged by those I come incontact with that display progress. If a child remember to place their name on their paper without reminders, I will acknowledge it. Just the small things, I will more fully show appreciation for the smaller increments of progress made by others.

Patient with imperfections
I feel like I am pretty good at being patient with imperfections. Unless, it directs my ability to be productive.

This week I will continue to be patient with others when they do not do things the way I think they ought be done. However, when things are forgotten I will not become irritated or critical of those wo have faultered. I will recognize more fully the imperfections and faults I have, and apply how would I want them to respond to me.


I will check in on how I did later this week. I am super excited to be striving to be who the Lord needs me to be!! So many blessings and answered prayers have come this weekend. It was a very hard difficult week. My heart is aching, yet the Lord has offered direction and peace.

Who Do You Need Me To Be?

I continued to be amazed by how the Lord hears and answers our prayers! Today, at Church the talks were on charity, and the lesson in Relief Society was on a Psalm "Search Me O God, and Know my Heart!" The entire lesson just affirmed me, and strengthened me in the answers I received to my prayer of "Who am I Lord? Who do you need me to be?"

We sang a hymn at the conclusion of Relief Society that resonated with me! It delivered a message that I needed, I needed to hear because of my deep desire to help others, aid others, be there for others, try to do things for others if they cannot do them themselves.

Hymn # Know This, That Every Soul is Free

1. Know this, that ev’ry soul is free
To choose his life and what he’ll be;
For this eternal truth is giv’n:
That God will force no man to heav’n.

2. He’ll call, persuade, direct aright,
And bless with wisdom, love, and light,
In nameless ways be good and kind,
But never force the human mind.

As I listened to the lesson, I used my little notebook that I take notes at Church in to plan how to go about becoming who the Lord needs me to be! I  read the scripture: Moroni 7:44 - 48. I focused predominantly on verse 45, 46, 47, and part of 48. It reads:

45. And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in inquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

46. Wherefore, my beloved bretheren if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. . . .
47. But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever and whoso is found possessedof it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

48. Werefore, my beloved bretheren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled wiht this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, jesus Christ: . , ,

The Lord defines charity for us, He tells us what it is and tells us  without it we are nothing!  I know that at one point in my life the Lord was pleased with me for the charity I had developed. And my entire post mission life, I have had this aching desire to make sure I possessed it. With the decisions I have made, I have fallen back from who I want to be as a person. I still possess many of the wonderful qualities I had, but they are out of practice, and other need strengthening.

My plan is to take each part of the description of charity and focus on that specific aspect for one week. Each Sunday, I will post the attribute of charity I am working on, and at the end of the week, I will critique myself on how I am doing!

I desire to fulfill who the Lord needs me to be, because I know there is much I need to do in this little area of His vineyard.
 

Gratitude

Times in life are not always marked with ease, happiness, or life as you planned it! Often times, nothing goes as you want, or as you have planned for it! This has been a heart wrenching 2 years for me. I have a plan, and a life that I wanted with who I want it with! Yet, it has not happened and I keep hoping! Yet, in the heart ache of trying and working to get that which I want,  I have found such gratitude!

The Lord is amazing! Over the past year and a half, I have slowly turned to my Father in Heaven more and more. My gratitude for my Savior and my Father in Heaven are over flowing! He knows me! He knows us all, and He knows our hearts, He knows our pains, He knows our weaknesses, and He knows our needs! He answers prayers!

I have been seeking peace, comfort, a knowledge of who I am now, and who the Lord needs me to be. I have had the most amazing experience this weekend. In the moment of deep heartache, pain, hurt, sorrow, and hopelessness I had no one to turn to, except my Father in Heaven. I needed the peace that only He can offer. More importantly, I needed to know who my true self is, and what I am truly like! Father in Heaven is so loving! He answered my prayers! I am not perfect! I have flaws, many flaws! With all those flaws, the Lord sees me as His child. He sees the good, and He see where I need work! Most amazingly, He is able to succor my soul to lead me to where I need to be, and who He needs me to become!!

I cannot express the ways that the Lord has answered my prayers this weekend. I needed Him to tell me who I am, and what He needs me to be. He extended sweet tender mercies. I have been seeking for a couple month to really understand how the Spirit speaks to me! It is amazing! I have received so much from the Lord the last two days.

In seeking to know who I am, and what I need to become for Him, I received several clear distinct impressions.  First, a blessing I received in 2001 came back to my mind, I was told to seek after Charity, that the Lord was proud of the strides I had made in gaining Charity, but to continue striving for Charity. Charity is the pure LOVE of CHRIST. I have always tried to have and show charity to others!

After this remembrance, another thought came, "as you seek to be guided by the Spirit, and live your life according to the Spirit, your life will become beautiful and sweet, all who know you will love you."  This, this small impression brought in so much realization! My life has  not been guided by the Spirit for a very long time. In part because I did not have the Gift of the Holy Ghost, and without His constant companionship, I couldn't let my life be guided by it. For a few months I have had that gift back, however, I have struggled to receive answers to prayers, and be able to recognize them. And had become very self doubting in knowing how to recognize the Spirit. So, I turned to reflecting on how I have received the promptings of the Spirit in the past. After doing that, it seemed a conduit from heaven opened up! I have a list of topics I want to study and understand. I have scripture heros that I want to study and learn from.

On Friday, I decided I needed to lose myself in service to others and service to the Lord. I did not know where to start! I just know, I want and ache to give service and to teach my kids the blessing of serving others. I have been reflecting on it all weekend long. This morning, a member of the Bishopric called, and asked to stop by! I immediately knew they were extending a calling to me! My heart initially sunk at the thought of being called to primary! I love kids, however, I hunger for adult interaction. I have always asked not to be put into primary because I teach kids all week. I even said to Kaiya, "I hope they do not call me to primary."  A few moments after, this feeling of love came, with a distinct thought, "a calling is from the Lord. You asked to be able to lose yourself in service. Where you are called, is where I need you, and it is where you need to be to grow." Brother Norton arrived, we talked about my life, how it was going. I shared a few of my experiences this weekend with the Spirit. Then, he asked me to serve in Junior Primary! I began to tear up! We talked a little more, and he said, "Serve here for a year, if you don't like it in a year come tell us and we will move you." My heart ached, and I told him, "I will not be that servant of the Lord. This call is from the Lord, there is something for me in this calling. I can already see, they Lord will and the stretching that will occur becasue of this"

I am in tears! How amazing is the Lord! I may not have all that I want! My life isn't what I want with who I want. However, in the deep heartbreak and hurt, the Lord has began to raise my to a higher level of understanding, and is blessing me. I am so grateful, grateful for the trials, for the gifts of the Spirt! Only thru the Lord are all things possible, thru His aide, I will make my actions, my words match my heart and my spirit! I am a beautiful daughter of God, and He loves me, and He has a plan for me!

Missionary Moment

Today, as the students left, I sat with a teacher I have become fond of, and enjoyed working with. She and I were talking about life. I expressed deep hurt, and sorrow. She asked what Church I belonged to.

A little bit of back story:

 At the beginning of the year, during a grade level meeting, she had asked if anyone in the room was Mormon. At that time, I was not yet rebaptized, and I was in a very ackward place. I felt because forgiveness in the form of rebaptism had not yet been offered to me by the Lord, that I was not a member, and not a great representative of the Savior or His Church. I kept quiet, and have kept to myself a lot on the topic of religion.

Prior to this, we have had spiritual talks. She is engaged and is going thru classes to enable her to marry within her Church. She has shared with me what each class has been about. We have talked alot about repentance and forgiveness in relationships.

As she asked today, I perked up and I said, "Get ready for this! I am Mormon, however, at the beginning of the year, I was not in good standing with the Church." I began to share my entire story, she asked how the process happens. I was able to testify to her that God does direct the affairs of the Church. I told her I had been rebaptized on January 29, 2013 and I had wanted to come bouncing into the school and tell her! However, I was still a bit timid!

The conversation turned from my rebaptism and repentance process to Joseph Smith.  She asked about him and the tree he talked to! I was able to tell her about the First Vision and clear up the misunderstanding of a talking tree. It was so nice to be able to use the First Discussion from my mission again!

We talked about how we believe that the priesthood was lost and that it was restored, as was Christ's Church thru Joseph Smith the Prophet. And how our Prophet is the senior Apostle, that the Lord selects who the next prophet will be, in comparison to electing a pope.

She asked about missions, I told her I had served one in Detroit Michigan.

We talked about how there is so much similar in many churches. How the Jewish religion has some similarities to the Catholic religion. I shared the experience I had at a Catholic mass while I lived in Las Vegas and that some of the worship service was similar. 

At the conclusion, I invited her to attend church. She said she would like to check it out sometime! That is the first time I have spoken to someone about the Church since my mission in a missonary mode. 

Upon leaving, I received a text message later that night asking me a few more questions. I was able to testify of the atonement and how the Savior has already paid for our sins. That we are just accountable to go about doing what is right, and seeking forgiveness. It was a wonderful experience! We spoke for about 30 minutes total, it is 30 minutes that reignited my testimony and my desire to do missionary service!!
 

Family Pictures

We went an did pictures this weekend! I did not expect to get them back so fast, but we did! As Danny said, "it was a learning experience!"  I totally forgot that we always say "Cheese" to get Gizzy to smile. And the whole time, we kept saying "smile." I think we got a few cute ones!!