Happy 1st Birthday, Gizzy Girl!!

We had a little celebration for Kaelani's 1st Birthday, on Saturday, June 16, 2012. Just some family and a couple friends. I tried very hard to make it special. I really wanted Dada there. I cried a lot because he was missing from this special day! I dried my tears, and smiled as best I could.  Here are a few pictures of your day!

Amazing Day of Love!!

On Saturday, June 16, 2012 we celebrated the most loving and amazing day (at least of my life), the day our Gizzy Girl joined us! You came in a frenzied rush, after Dada complained that it was too calm the night before.  I'd hoped to be able to hang out with Dad in the hospital, talking, joking, anticipating, and watching as things progressed! Dad wanted excitement!! You listened cause we gave him a run for his money, siren like moans and all!! He got to drive in the left hand turn lane to go straight, and nearly drive into the hospital  lobby when I asked him not to park far away. 

I love him and you! 

Your arrival was not free of errors, both on my part or others, all of them unintentional.  Most IMPORTANTLY, it was a day filled with LOVE!  My sweet precious girl, you weren’t born into a perfect situation, however you were born into amazing love!! I love your Dad with all my heart! He has an amazing love for me, and makes me feel so special! He adores me, your sister, and you! The day of your birth, was the most amazing day of my life because of the love that surrounded you and your entire family.  No matter what, you can go thru your life knowing that you were welcomed into this world by people who loved you so much far before you arrived. You arrived to parents, with their flaws, that love each other more than words could describe, and love you even more! You arrived to a big sister who melted and became your instant protector and best friend.  

Our First Family Photo

After your arrival, we were flooded with visitors there to simply express their love for your Dada, sister, and of course YOU!  Our time in the hospital, just the 4 of us was like a slice of heaven. That room was a bubble filled with an overwhelming feeling of love and peace. I wanted desperately to remain there for as long as possible, and wish I could rewind  and go back to those sweet precious moments of your arrival and the initial hours after, and just remain forever, protected from the business of life outside those walls, with the people I love so much! Just be us, your Dada, me, your sister, and you! Together we are perfect and happy! 

My love and my little love!

Your arrival has brought so much happiness to everyone! You brighten a room, and bring joy to everyone you meet. 

The past year has been a difficult one, the most difficult of my life. There is so much I want to give you, and thru imperfections, you do not have all that you deserve and all that I wish I could give you!  We are so grateful for our Father in Heaven sending you to us, and trusting us with you. We are by far no where near worthy of your sweet precious spirit, but we will all do our best!! Love you Gizzy Girl!!  Happy 1^st Birthday!!

Impossible to Sink Lower than Atonement

"however late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines . . . there is nothing in either case that you have done that cannot be undone. There is no problem which you cannot overcome. There is no dream that in the unfolding of time and eternity cannot yet be realized. Even if you feel you are the lost and last laborer of the eleventh hour, the Lord of the vineyard still stands beckoning."

- Elder Jeffery R. Holland, The Laborers in the Vineyard, April 2012

I love this quote from an AMAZING talk! I have truly enjoyed rereading the words of the Lord's servants since April. There is so much that has been a balm to my wounded soul. I love that no matter what the Lord is always there to know how we feel, to aide us in our agony, and to take our and to lift us in our sorrow. However, I most am touched by the message that the Atonement is never used up and we are never so far gone for it to reach us!

I am so grateful for a loving Father in Heaven, that no matter what never gives up on me or anyone. It is amazing. I am so grateful for the words of his servants!

Happy Dada Day!!

 Dada,

We just want to tell you we hope you have a good Dada Day! We miss you! We wish we could spend the day together!! There is so much we would love to give to you! Thank you for making days brighter!!

Thank you for playing little pet shop and tea party. Thank you for water fights! Thank you for all the times you opened our doors to teach us how little princesses and big princesses a like should be treated. Thank you for the tickle wars. The giggles. For the riddles - what has 4 eyes and cannot see? Thank you for the hikes, and sharing the many purposes of things found in the wilderness. Thank you for all that you have done!!

We love you! We miss you!!

Love,
J and the girls!!

Cousin Fun

She so wants to be a BIG GIRL!!!

Cousins!!

The Cousins!

Snack time!!

Cutie Cousins!



Playing in the water!

I miss . . . .

I miss so much that had become my life for so long. I miss the inside jokes. I miss the evenings playing wii. I miss cooking dinner together. I miss the impromtu water fights in the kitchen. I miss so many of the very small simple things. People keep saying I will heal, get over, etc . . . however, it isn't healing, and I don't want it to heal. I want all the happy, good, loving moments to be again . . . I want new memories of releasing butterflies, cooking dinner, sitting on the back porch, playing ball with Bug, cleaning the house together, sitting next to each other in church, holding hand, the one look only we can give each other, the evening walks, the talks that last for hours and hours on end . . . . I want it all back. I miss staring at you in awe! I miss hanging on every word. I miss hugging you. I miss my partner. I miss reviewing the day, what went well and what could be improved upon. I miss my best friend. I miss you, Danny.