Charity - Envieth Not

This week attribute of charity is one I have struggled with in the past, not as most people may think. Charity ENVIETH NOT!!

Envy is the lusting after what someone else has or after possessions. I do not often envy possessions. Occasionally, I will wish I had that new car, or the nice clothes. However, I am pretty content and would rather give up so that my children or others could have their needs and wants met. I do not envy material possession very often.

I do envy the family at church, with the 5 kids, husband, and wife. I envy the parents that have family home evening. I envy the couples that go on date night every Friday night. I envy those with a husband and father in their home. I envy families who have figured out how to survive off their husband's income to allow the mother to be home caring for the children. I envy mom's who wear their spouses shirts to cut down on cost of buying their own, that never get their hair cut professionally, that put themselves last and provide a way for them to be with their children. I envy mother's who get to stay home and be just a mom! I envy the mom's who get to spend their days cooking, loving, playing, cleaning, climbing, washing, folding, dusting, playing, and just being a MOM! I envy the mom who is expecting another child and get to go thru the joys of growing a child of God within her, and bringing that blessing home. I envy things of the eternal nature, things that bring true happiness. I envy Relief Society teachers, missionaries, Young Women leaders for the impressive and important roles in Heavenly Father's plan. I envy those to have their family sealed to them in the temple for time and all eternity. Do they know what many blessings they have??

Needless to say, I ENVY! Do I necessarily envy things that are bad, no. However, I do envy! With envy can come resentment, anger, pain, disappointment, and the pushing away of our Heavenly Father. I once allowed myself to get so envious of other's blessings of eternal nature that I began to be resentful of my Father in Heaven. I had done what I was suppose to do my whole life, all I wanted was a family. Did not have to be a perfect family, just a family where both mother and father were committed to each other, to making the family stay together at any price or cost! I jsut wanted someone as committed to marriage and family as I. As I became more bitter, and felt like I always did what was right, began pushing the Lord away from me, and began turning my heart from Him. it was in this feeling of being neglected by the Lord and denied my one want of life a family that was progressing towards beign eternal that I finally stopped attending church. I turned away, and I made not wonderful choices.

Is it necessarily bad to want those things, no! My desires for those things being a wife, a mom, sacraficing for my husband and children are not evil things to want. However, when you begin to be resentful because of the aching and yearnings of your soul, it become bad. I still ache and want all that other appear to have! However, I recognize that while it is God's will to give me all those blessings, it takes more than just the Lord and just I. It takes a third party, and that third party has their own agency.

I need to work on not being envious, especially of things eternal that I want and ache for . . . this is an attribute i need to truly study and pay attention to!!

If one posses the attribute of Envieth not, their attitude, behavior, and actions:
- are content, grateful for blessings
- Rejoice in another's gifts, talents and success
- is generous and offers help to those in need.
- lives frugally
- knows the difference between needs and wants
- avoids unnecessary deby

Obvious lack of this attribute means one is:
-resentful, jealous, greedy, covetous
- fails to pay an honest tithe
- is selfish and whitholds help
- has a "my", not "our" attitude
-incurs excessive debt.
- as a spirit of specualtion

Not so obvious signs one lacks this attribute of Charity:
- is ungrateful
- is a partial tithe payer
- i vain sets heart on costly apparel, etc
- lives beyond income
- allows interest on credit to accumulate
- does not try to save food or money for future needs

I need to continue working on this. . . I have gotten better. I still wish I was married, wish I was expecting another, and wish I was part of an imperfect family that was committed to one things . . . progressing thru eternity till we were given the blessing of an eternal family because of our efforts and the atonement of Christ. I recognize that this one great desire of my heart is dependent upon more than myself and the Lord, and neither he nor I can remove the third parties agency.

I am so grateful, I have sought to find thigns I am grateful for each day. While I still ache, I do not become so envious that I become bitter. The Lord has His time table, and all are promised to me if I will live worthily.

This week I am going to seek to be more grateful for every small things, even in times of trial and heartache. I am going to seek to find joy in the blessings other's have and expressing to them the joy I have for them.